2012. A year of last twenties for a lot of my friends and I.
Sitting outside @ the balcony, watching the slight drizzle, feeling the cold breeze, thinking what is to become of me this year.
When we first cross over to 12, I was filled with optimistic that this year will be much better, everything wise. Now, I'm not so sure again. Am I pms-ing hence thinking of all the pessimistic stuff? What do I really want? What do I want to accomplish by age 30?
30 seems so far away but I will be there soon, with nothing to talk about. No successful career or asserts to fall back on, no sso, children to boast on. And to be honest, I still do not understand the definition of companion. Why do we human all need someone to grow old with? Is it a need or necessity? I don't understand. And being from a finance background, if you don't understand, you don't invest.
I see friends getting married 1 by 1, even those unlikely ones. I started asking myself, how do they know this will be the one who will walk with you till the end of time? How does this game play? I really do not know. I feel like a bystander, watching from over the fence. Seeing the group of children playing ball and not asked to join in. So I started telling myself that I am not interested. But if I'm really not interested then why do I keep peeping over to see how much fun they are having? What do I really want? What can I be in control of? I feel so lost and scare of all possibilities. What should I do?
Sitting outside @ the balcony, watching the slight drizzle, feeling the cold breeze, thinking what is to become of me this year.
When we first cross over to 12, I was filled with optimistic that this year will be much better, everything wise. Now, I'm not so sure again. Am I pms-ing hence thinking of all the pessimistic stuff? What do I really want? What do I want to accomplish by age 30?
30 seems so far away but I will be there soon, with nothing to talk about. No successful career or asserts to fall back on, no sso, children to boast on. And to be honest, I still do not understand the definition of companion. Why do we human all need someone to grow old with? Is it a need or necessity? I don't understand. And being from a finance background, if you don't understand, you don't invest.
I see friends getting married 1 by 1, even those unlikely ones. I started asking myself, how do they know this will be the one who will walk with you till the end of time? How does this game play? I really do not know. I feel like a bystander, watching from over the fence. Seeing the group of children playing ball and not asked to join in. So I started telling myself that I am not interested. But if I'm really not interested then why do I keep peeping over to see how much fun they are having? What do I really want? What can I be in control of? I feel so lost and scare of all possibilities. What should I do?
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