Give and take..

U give some, you take some.

I had lunch w a brother last friday. It was an impromptu lunch. I'd known him for close to 10 yrs nw and i never thought that this day would come where i will be needing his advise. I told him of the friendship i'd chosen to walk out on and his evaluations was something i'd never thought of.

All along, i'd been thinking of everything my way, my style. Doing things that suits my temper. On the surface, i just started withdrawing myself, inside i was having a screaming war.

Over the past few months, i kept saying i want out. I did. Last december i took myself out. I wasnt able to deal with the differences and i felt that there was no point in talking things out. I knew i was overexpecting and i felt awful when my expectations wasnt met.

It got me thinking on what are friends?

My bro told me that starting a friendship is easy, its maintaining it thats hard.

I used to feel that i have a lot of good close friends around me, now, it doesnt seem so anymore.

Just face it, as times pass, ppl drift apart. Everyone have their new jobs, new loves, new hobbies to keep up with. They are always kept occupied with their new stuffs and only when their new items failed them will they think of the old ones. Friends, arent they like this too?

We need to move on with time. We learn new things, attemp new experiences, meet new people. All these are already exhausting enough. Why bother with the olds? The old doesnt know what is happening now as they are not updated. When they finally meet up, yes they catch up. But so what? The next time they meet again, they do more catching up. Is this what maintaining a friendship is all about? To keep catching up on each other lives?

Yes its interesting to know what is happening to your friend's life, but face it, you are no longer part of it. Your friend had become a storyteller and you are just an audience. You are no longer part of the cast nor crew that once belongs in it. You guys are just travellers on different routes whom sometimes meet at a junction to share stories. You guys no longer travel together on the same path.

Is this what friends are for? To be there to listen, throw in some encouragements or scoldings when needed, add in a few tissues when the situation arises, laugh when necessary and not partake in their lives anymore? To become a dormant creature waiting for the right time to come to calling?

I really do not know. I wish that someone can explain to me what i should do, who i should hold on to and what i should look for. Is being friends in the twenties a different way to being friends in the teens? Everything i do doesnt seems to make sense to me anymore. It felt so complex, so alien, so lost. I'm driving myself crazy.

No man can be an island, but sometimes i secretly wish, i can.